Eight Mondays to discover how everything fits

Two words – usually unspoken – can weigh heavy in your soul. The words? IF ONLY

The bad “if only”

If only you knew what to do next. If only this hadn’t happened. If only that would change. If only you were a different person. If only they were different. If only you could fix it, move it, delete it, control it, forget it, do it over.

If Only. If Only has friends, too, named Why? When? and How? If only you could answer those friends. Then everything would be so much better. Then you could rest a bit inside and have some peace. But the bad “if only” is a wild monkey. Good luck taming it.

The good “if only”

But there is another kind of “if only.” And it also is two words:

EVERYTHING FITS

Ahhh, if only you knew that everything fit – even when it doesn’t look like anything fits. At least that would take some pressure off dealing with the other “if only” and his friends. THEN you could gain confidence and find peace in the middle of confusion, waiting, regret, and hopelessness.

This “if only” can lead to good things.

One way everything fits for me

I was an alcoholic for fourteen years and jobless much of that time. What a waste. Through drinking I earned a graduate degree in the habit of avoiding responsibility. The education was effective and years later I still struggle to engage the things I’m charged with at work, home, and with the Lord. Those were the normally foundational years of a man’s career – and I spent those years developing a foundation of irresponsibility.

Where would I be now if I had made different decisions and faced reality? If only. So now what? When? How?

Looking back it all fit. I was as hopeless an alcoholic as I could be and it didn’t stay that way. Maybe you know how powerful it is to experience going from hopelessness to hope. After that experience you never grant hopelessness the control it had before. Addiction, joblessness, and wasted decades in my twenties and thirties didn’t kill me. So now whom shall I fear?

I don’t have to know if God ordained all that or not. That question is too big for anyone. I just have to know he made it fit.

Everything fits.

Together, let’s see HOW everything fits

It’s a series called Everything Fits: The struggler’s guide to confusion, waiting, regret, and hopelessness.

I hope this series will help you:

+ + Gain confidence that in the big picture everything fits

+ + Find more peace in the middle of no answers

+ + Discover three reasons why you are who you are, and for everything you experience in your life

+ + Begin to embrace your struggles as a path to awesome intimacy with God

+ + Move toward appreciating confusion and waiting as unique opportunities rather than simply something to avoid

 

And if you know anyone who might benefit from the series or the free ebooks, I hope you’ll share this with them.

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Stare at this picture to gain confidence in the middle of your worst day


Your confidence begins with something that happened about 2,000 years ago this week.

Before Good Friday. Before Easter.

It starts with a sentence in John 18:

When Jesus said to them, “I am he,” they drew back and fell to the ground

Well they should fall to the ground – he’s God in a body on earth. You ought to have some kind of awesome reaction.

But he’s been God in a body on earth for years, and most people do not draw back and fall to the ground in his presence. Plus, these guys obviously do not believe this is God – they’re here to arrest him!

Look for the unlikely signs around you

And as soon as the falling to the ground is over, they get right back up and go about their arresting business, as if nothing happened. So this isn’t worship – you don’t worship one second and arrest the thing you’re worshipping the next.

It’s as if the falling down is involuntary. Like it isn’t their own reaction. Like it’s imposed on them from the outside.

This comes at a huge moment. It’s where Jesus goes from coming and going on his own to being under the total control of his opponents. No more escaping and slipping through their hands like he’s been doing for years. Now he’ll be theirs and they’re going to pour hatred and anger all over him and get rid of him. And this is the moment that’s the beginning of that.

There’s another angle on this, though. At the same time this human drama is going on, another one, a bigger one, is happening using the same events.

Look for the big picture

God has his own business he’s up to. He’s going to bring to climax all of history up to this point and demonstrate his justice and mercy and love. He’s going to pay for every sin committed by every human being who has lived or will ever live – billions and billions of people and all their sins. How heavy is that? Far heavier than the hatred and anger of the people doing the arresting. It’s a holy, awesome, righteous, mighty, unspeakable work. And this arrest is the beginning of that.

And so the official crowd of soldiers and religious leaders comes face to face with the God-man on earth who is going to accomplish this majestic, heroic deed that they don’t have a clue about. And at the moment he’s pointed out as the one who’s to do it, identifying himself using a phrase signifying his eternal deity, they all draw back and fall to the ground.

For a moment, involuntarily, they all react to who he is and what he’s about to do with his death and resurrection. It’s a supernaturally imposed reaction. Like someone or something knocks them down.

Look for the unlikely moment that shows God is still in charge

It’s the moment when God shows us he’s in control of all of this. What is coming is not just outraged hate having its way. The arrest and falling down are not opposites. It’s all part of the same thing. God is as in control of the arrest and killing as he is in the falling down reaction. The falling down proves it. It’s like God is saying:

I’m here and I could change all this as easy as I knocked all those guys down, but since I don’t then you know that even though this looks bad, it’s all me and under my authority.

He’s in the same place he’s in when other horrible things seem to take over. Right there. In the middle of your worst day.

—–

Noticed any unlikely moments recently?

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What everybody ought to know about risk

You call it risk because you don’t know what will happen, and what does happen could be bad. You don’t like bad.

But it could be good! That’s why you take the risk, why you face the fear and make that leap into the unknown.

It can all feel so life and death. Some play it safe. Some say, “If I die I die.”

The Lord is watching. It looks different to him than it does to you.

And he’s chuckling because he knows that in the end you’re safe in his house.

 (if you’re viewing this in email, click HERE to go to the blog to see the short video)

Have you ever taken a risk and discovered God was ‘in the house’ the whole time?

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The simple mental picture that will forever change what you expect of God (and yourself)

If you’re like me, it’s easy to feel swamped, confused, like you’re walking in mud.

You dwell on your undone, unfinished stuff. You do all you can in relationships but still experience frustration and misunderstanding. You seem to always put out effort and not get results. You think something is probably wrong with you. If only you could get your act together. If only you worked harder, smarter, longer.

Maybe it’s your expectations . . .

Your expectations of what you do and what God does.

Here’s a simple mental picture that can fix that:

                                                                                                                                      Photo by RiverEdge Dental 

Aaaack!

The dentist chair

How does picturing the dentist chair clean and whiten your expectations of God and of yourself?

The dentist chair reminds you it’s a partnership, but with sharp dividing lines for the roles. Get your role mixed up with the dentist’s role and you’ll be swamped, confused, walking in mud, and mumbling to yourself about getting your act together. And your teeth will hurt.

You know the roles:

You have to show up

but someone else does the real work.

You put yourself in someone else’s hands

but you’re still deeply involved.

You’re not the one in control

but you can resist and fight and hinder the one who is.

In the dentist’s office you know you’re not the expert. You would never say, “Give me that sucky thing – I’ll do it.”

But you’re not passive, either. You don’t just flop and expect things to happen.

You keep the appointment. You cancel things to be there. You don’t run away. You do what they say. You open wide. You spit. Your whole body tenses up. You’re super-sensitive to what’s going on. You go home and learn unnatural habits like running wax string between your teeth.

Yes you’re definitely involved. There’s a cost. But it’s not enough.

What are you trying to make happen that only God can make happen?

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So how does God talk to you?

You’re unsure. Discouraged. Doubting.

You’re waiting and wondering. How do you know what to do next? You think you know but you’re hesitating. How how does anyone really know anything? How do you think about it?

A few words come to mind: Don’t be afraid. You don’t hear the words, you just remember them for some reason.

Then you feel another word: Come. Very subtle, no big deal. The word just lightly occurs to you. So lightly that if it was balanced on your sleeve the shallowest breath would blow it away.

Then: Go. Yeah, right. C’mon, is that just you?

You take a walk. It’s morning and the sun is just coming up over the trees and it shines so bright in your face that you have to squint.

You keep walking, and the rhythm of your footsteps brings the words of a song to your mind:

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of Angel Armies

Is always by my side

Well? 

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I HOPE your ice is slowly melting

I HOPE your dead place is coming alive like this dead and discouraged unemployment office in Madrid came alive when a small flash mob materialized.

I HOPE you know that just as everything can go horribly wrong in only five minutes, so in five minutes your face can be lifted up.

I HOPE you know that a tiny bit of joy you contribute can go deeper and farther than you’d ever imagine.

I HOPE you see that where and when you contribute your little piece of joy can magnify it and make it mean more.

I HOPE you realize that just as George Harrison never knew a little song he created while walking in a garden would surprisingly encourage unemployed Spaniards forty-three years later, so something you do today can live.

I HOPE you know you have the power to leave any situation better than you found it. How do I know you have that power? Because you are a human being created by God in his image and that’s what he does.

Maybe I appreciate this more because there was a season long ago when I spent a lot of time in an office like this with no one to sing to me.

Please sing.

(if you’re reading this in your email or reader and can’t see the video, please click over to the blog HERE to view it.)

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What Lance Armstrong whispered in my ear

I don’t know exactly when I heard it. It was sometime in the last few months when our opinion of him was doing a 360. I heard it again last week when he was with Oprah.

Several times I jerked my head expecting to find him right on my shoulder whispering. I mean, it had to be him. Tell me you don’t think this was him . . .

I know your game isn’t the same as mine, but you can still be world class like me.

Just convince yourself that no one will know, that no one will get hurt, that this is just a little secret among friends. Tell yourself that others have done much worse, that in the big picture this is not so bad at all.

I discovered the power of this little deception right at the beginning, and it’s amazing how it serves everything from your thought life to secret habits to ’emotional’ relationships to the Tour de France.

The beauty of this baby is that the longer you go, the better you do it. This enables you to keep at it even longer, until you’re 100% convinced it’s true, and you have succeeded at changing reality.

I was so good at it that I was able to threaten and punish people who told the ‘truth’ about me and I didn’t feel a bit of guilt or regret. THAT, my friend, is world class.

It was so clear I almost wanted to take notes. This is Lance Armstrong, right? Then the tone of his voice changed and he slowly whispered:

Reality . . . hits . . . hard.

And when it does–when you’re discovered and everyone knows–it’s impossible to look at yourself and how bad you are. So you don’t. You downplay it. You insist things can stay the same.

Okay, you may cheat and lie, but that doesn’t make you a cheater and liar. (Although when it’s someone else, you easily toss out the cheater and liar conclusion.)

You’re compelled to tell people they’re judgmental, legalistic, unloving, and ‘just as bad.’ You do anything to escape the pain and responsibility of guilt.

Nothing works. To come clean is as impossible as winning the Tour de France.

Because to come clean means you have to change who you think you are.

Everybody else has already changed their mind about who you are. Try doing that when it’s you! It took years to create your own reality. No way you can change back overnight.

You convinced yourself it’s only a little corner of your life, it’s not really who you are. Now your little corner IS your whole life.

That’s all Lance, right? That’s not me talking to me about what could happen if I’m not careful.

Right?

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How to pray for a sofa

We’re shopping for a larger sofa. We’re praying about it.

Sometimes at furniture stores I see the pilot/co-pilot theater sofas with built-in cupholders and slide-away snack trays. And they massage you. A corner of me wants to give up and veg out in front of the flat-screen on one of those sofas for the next ten years.

We’re not praying for that.

Our current sofa seats three max. There is one comfortable chair in the room, and a few other look-better-than-feel chairs. So we have comfy seating for three or four. When all our family visits there are twelve.

And every Sunday night we host between seven and seventeen friends for food, conversation, a Bible study, and fun. We use kitchen chairs and even plastic patio chairs. It’s fine, but not conducive to relaxing.

We are praying for that.

It’s not so much what you pray for, but why. Why do you want it? What do you want to see happen?

We want to fulfill the purpose of our home for our family and for friends. We want people to be able to relax and  connect with each other and with God. Yes this can happen even with three-legged stools and wooden benches. But we don’t want words like stiff, straight, and hard to be any part of their experience in our home, even with such an un-spiritual thing as a sofa.

The more confidence you have that the thing you want is for God’s purposes and the benefit of people, the more confident you pray.

What’s one thing you’re praying for now, and why are you praying for it?

~~~

(Is there a dream hiding inside you? Get the FREE ebook Fuzzy Hope: Courage and a kick to track down the dream you feel but can’t see – just subscribe on the form in the upper right to get the book and free blog updates)

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How to have friends after you’re dead

At dinner recently I mentioned that Oswald Chambers helps me almost every day.

John said, very seriously, “He’s a good friend of yours, isn’t he?”

I hadn’t thought of him as a friend but yes, he is.

Chambers has been dead 96 years. Seven years after he died his wife put his words into a devotional, My Utmost for His Highest. Technically, Chambers did not write the book. His wife took shorthand notes when he gave talks to students and soldiers during WWI. Those talks became Utmost.

I have another friend who is still alive. We don’t see each other much anymore, but the quality of his life, words, advice, and wisdom still encourage me.

You’re going to spend a lot more time as history than you are as today.

Some people are influential today, but irrelevant in the future.

Some are irrelevant today, but are influential in the future.

Some are both.

What one thing can you do today that could live as a friend in someone after you’re gone?

If what you say has value, it will last longer than you will

– Vance Havner

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The question you never ask but should

Let’s say you have some ideas, some dreams, some plans.

Maybe for a career change. Or starting a business or ministry. Or a book idea. Or marriage. Or selling the house and taking the kids out of school and buying a boat and sailing around the world for two years.

And of course you have some doubts. You’re not sure it can happen or that it will work. You keep counting the cost. You don’t want to fail. It’s easy to picture all the details of failure and pain.

You make plans to account for failure, to give yourself the best chance of success. But no matter how well or long you plan, you know there’s no guarantee.

You hesitate because you don’t know if it will be worth it. And maybe you hesitate a bit because you feel failure will be the end of your dream. You think that dreaming with hope is better than failure and no hope.

But in all your preoccupation with risk and failure, you never ask

What if it works?

 

How great would that be?

What if it works BETTER than you’ve imagined? Would that be worth it?

How can you find out?

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