The unselfish kind of selfishness

Maybe you’ll be kind to someone this week because you want kindness.

Maybe you’ll forgive because you need forgiveness.

Maybe you’ll be generous, tell the truth with love, give the benefit of the doubt, encourage.

Because you want it. You need it in your world.

Like writing the novel you want to read, and hoping there are others like you, so you do the thing you want and need. And hope there are others like you.

You have good reason to have that hope:

With the measure you use it will be measured to you – Luke 6.38

by Gary | 6 Comments

Is this picture talking to you about your weekend?

It is me.

Here’s what it’s saying –

All the straight crisp lines in this picture were made by man.

All the crooked blurry lines were made by God.

So why do you expect that a good day is a day under control, on time, predictable, with only a few unimposing pleasant surprises?

That’s not God’s way, that’s your way.

On the few times God makes straight lines we take pictures of them while driving down the highway. And the lines aren’t even that straight. It gets our attention because God’s straight lines happen so seldom.

Why should this weekend–heck, this whole year–be any different?

I want straight and predictable and then I complain because I get trucks, guard rails, and telephone poles.

I hope your weekend–and mine–is filled with something wavy, blurry, and once-in-a-lifetime.

~~~

(Is there a dream hiding inside you? Get the FREE ebook Fuzzy Hope: Courage and a kick to track down the dream you feel but can’t see – just subscribe below or on the form in the upper right to get the book and free blog updates)

by Gary | 14 Comments

Your ONE WORD goal for 2013 : Part II

Read Part I HERE.

Just one word for the whole year?

Yes! Don’t you love it!?

Or maybe not the whole year. In my experience the usefulness of my word can die out after about three months or so. If that happens to you, just pick another word that has meaning and motivation right then. Don’t force it; go with a new word.

There are no “One Word per year!” rules.

Sometimes you’ll have a One Word Goal for a few months, pick a new word for a few months, then come back to the first word later. In later years a word may come back and be useful again for a few months.

One year I had four words at once: “Trust. Don’t. Be. Do.” Someday I may share with you what that meant, but like I said, it’s personal. Make it work for you.

What if you don’t have a word in mind right now? How do you find your word?

First, think of your goals – just the ones you can name off the top of your head
OR think of the few changes that would make the biggest difference in your life right now
Now, what ONE action or attitude would make a big difference in achieving most of those goals or changes? (remember my example of my word ‘engage‘)
Can you think of a WORD that describes that action or attitude?
Verbs are good
Something loopy that only you appreciate can be good – like a little joke with yourself
It must be useful – when you hear your word you have to be motivated
Don’t over think it – what one change in your attitude or behavior would make a big difference? What one word covers that?

So what’s your One Word Goal for 2013 and why did you pick it?

by Gary | 10 Comments

What’s your ONE WORD goal for 2013? : Part I

Go extreme and make ONE WORD your goal for this year.

No lists. No check-marks. No deadlines.

One word.

Right now I’ll bet you’re dealing with an issue, a problem, a desire, a goal, that can be captured in one word.

That word becomes your goal for your attitude or behavior. Your word reminds you and motivates you. Then the resulting attitude or behavior impacts a whole bunch of areas where you would normally have goals.Your word might apply in some narrow but important area of your life. Or it might apply broadly at work or home, with family and friends, and in your own heart and soul, too.

Your word should be personal. No one else will understand how much this word means to you right now.

When you have the right word, and you honor or follow it, things will change in your life. Good things will happen.

My word for 2013?

“Engage.”

Why? I keep noticing that I have a default setting of detachment. I take the easy way out and disengage. This gets me in trouble in trying to accomplish things at home and work. I miss opportunities in conversations and relationships. Recently I have been reminding myself to stop that, to engage, to deal with things head-on when they present themselves.

I tell myself, “Don’t assume someone else will do it, Gary. Do it or make sure it get’s done. Engage.”

One word can eat a bunch of goals

That financial conversation my wife and I are supposed to have at the beginning of each month? Don’t wait for her to bring it up and then use her as an excuse for why we didn’t do it.

Tighten those cabinet door handles in the bathroom. Don’t look at them day after day thinking, “oh yeah I need to do that.”

Don’t flirt with writing and projects. Engage.

Do one thing at a time. . . Give people my undivided attention. . . Don’t put off responding to calls and email. . . Go to bed when I’m tired and realize I’m not getting anything done.

No matter what my goals are, if I would just engage issues, problems, people, and responsibilities when they present themselves, my life would be far better. People in my life would be better off.

I could make a list of all these separate things and make them goals. Or I could pick one word to follow.

What’s your word?

Tomorrow: Part II – Some help finding your One Word

And if you feel a dream hiding inside you but you don’t know what it is, 2013 could be the year you get clarity and go after it. I have a free ebook for you, Fuzzy Hope: Courage and a kick to track down the dream you feel but can’t see. To get it, sign up for free updates using the form on the upper right.

by Gary | 12 Comments

The foot-long Christmas chili dog

What new scene or story from this Christmas is going into your family hall of fame?

Every family and relationship has stories you repeat year after year. Happy, sad, tragic, funny, unforgettable stories. They describe and affirm you and the people in your family. They’re a picture of how you all relate to each other.

You don’t get tired of repeating the stories. You don’t get tired of hearing them. In fact, you must repeat them to keep them alive. They are an oral history, part of the legacy of your family.

Little family legends.

Our daughter the Nester and her family head for her sister’s house – our other daughter – on Christmas day. They stop for gas. Her husband runs into the gas station for a snack to hold him for the ninety-minute drive. He comes out with a foot-long chili dog and a package of Little Debbies.

The Nester tells the story and says, “What kind of man gets a foot-long chili dog from a gas station for lunch on Christmas Day? The gas station clerk must have thought that was so sad.”

“What kind of man. . .” Precisely.

If the man is in your family, you know exactly what kind of man, and this is another wonderful piece of evidence of the uniqueness of your family. And from now on “foot-long chili dog. . . on Christmas. . . . FROM A GAS STATION,” will be another legendary catch-phrase in your family hall of fame.

We need these stories. They are the colors on our family flag.

Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and into the stories they share about you

– Shannon Adler

What new scene or story from the holidays is going into your family hall of fame?

by Gary | Leave a Comment

My favorite 20 words this year from the Christmas story

No not the Ralphie Christmas Story; the real one.

Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord

– Luke 1.45

Pregnant Elizabeth is telling pregnant Mary that it’s good that Mary is not like Elizabeth’s husband. He didn’t believe it when God told him he would be a dad. He knew he was too old.

Mary DID believe it when God told her she would have a baby. Without sex. The baby would come from God.

I have some things I think God has told me. Shame on me when I don’t believe it.

If something is your own idea, that’s fine. But if you’re convinced the idea is from God then shame on you too when you don’t believe it.

Why don’t we decide together to believe it before we see it? We’ll be in good company.

by Gary | 2 Comments

Which peace on earth do you want most?

Peace on earth. It’s part of the message of Christmas.

I get it wrong.

When things are calm and all the pieces are in place; when I see check-marks on the to-do list; when there are no interruptions and things are going the way I planned; early in the morning in my favorite chair with my coffee and Oswald Chambers; I call that peace.

That’s not peace. That’s peacefulness.

Peace is when the bottom falls out, you’re scared, nothing is working, you can’t believe they think that about you, this day will never end, you’re not going to make it, and hell is frozen. And you aren’t freaked or angry or resentful. You feel the potential for panic, but you don’t give in to it. The storm is on the outside, the calm is on the inside.

It’s not peaceful but there’s peace.

That’s the peace of Christmas. That’s the kind of peace Jesus came to bring.

Peacefulness depends on circumstances.

Peace depends on my trust in the absolute adequacy and sufficiency of Jesus for every circumstance, problem, fear, emotion, interruption, project, and relationship.

Of course, you can have both together. But sometimes it takes lack of peacefulness to prove peace.

I hope you experience more peace than peacefulness these days.

by Gary | 8 Comments

Your Monday morning pep talk

(Get the FREE ebook Fuzzy Hope: Courage and a kick to track down the dream hiding inside you — just subscribe to free updates using the form on the right)

Friday we cried again.

We expect leaves to fall in October and November.

What if they fall in April?

And what if they fall because someone pulls them off the trees? As if the leaves had done something wrong.

It’s unnatural. If this can happen, what else unnatural can happen?

“I don’t feel safe anymore,” I could think.

Good. I’ve never really ever been safe. I need to feel the reality of it.

I’ve never been safe because this has never been my home. There’s another home God has in mind and these things don’t happen in that home, but we’re not there yet.

Until then, there’s trouble and tragedy that feels unnatural but isn’t. It’s natural for a broken world to act broken.

Only by the grace and mercy of God has all hell not broken loose in my life and my world.

For those parents and families in Connecticut, it has broken loose. For my wife’s friend Stephanie, whose daughter was found this week at the bottom of a pond, it has. For my friend Allison, who has breast cancer, it has.

So where’s the pep talk?

Long before the bad news from Connecticut, my friend Allison – the one with breast cancer – said,

“I feel sorry for people who don’t have cancer.”

Obviously, you have to ask why. Her answer comes from someone who has experienced tragedy, and yet is deeply grateful. In a way that I’ll probably never know, she has learned that absolutely nothing can separate her from the love of God.

I put her answer on the radio station I serve, right after Burl Ives feeling holly and jolly.

Her answer is your pep talk. Click the link to listen.

Allison — gratefulness, tragedy, and the love of God.

What are you thankful for today?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

by Gary | 6 Comments

How to feel better today

Last week I felt like complaining and did. It felt good.

However later it felt blah. Nothing positive came of it. Complaining didn’t fix anything. It helped my wife a little because it helped her understand how I felt about some of our hopes and dreams, but it also was a downer for her.

Last night I felt like complaining but didn’t.

It was very hard to not complain. I was complaining big-time in my head and the pressure to let it out with my voice was like the teapot every night on the stove when it rumbles inside right before it busts out in a piercing whistle. You get a warning before it busts out.

So last night I shut up before the piercing whistle. I forced myself to keep it all a secret between God and me. It was an act of trust and intimacy with God. In some feeble way I was able to let it be enough that he knew, and to let him handle the satisfaction that I craved from venting externally.

I just shut up. On the outside it was very simple–just don’t. But inside it was a raging battle.

I’ve had success with this before, but later always go back to the easy way of depending on myself and acting by how I feel.

This morning I woke up with a sense of peace and power. A renewed confidence. There’s a lot to do but I don’t feel any pressure. All the stuff I felt like complaining about is the same, but it looks and feels different.

It’s as if God says, you want peace and power and intimacy with me–prove you trust me and you’ll get it.

I think this is basic, daily living by faith. Kindergarten stuff.

I try to jump to grad-school stuff before I’ve learned the alphabet and counting to 20.

Every day you’re offered many little doorways that open with the key of everyday trust. Good things are in the rooms through those doors.

What adventures have you had in venting or trusting?

by Gary | 8 Comments

Don’t over think God’s ‘big’ plans for you

I walk out the front door with the dog.

I think, this morning I’ll just let her go where she wants. Sometimes I have a preference for going to the right and moseying around the ponds, or left and walking the streets by the condos. This morning I think I’ll let her pick.

In the end it really doesn’t matter which way we go. The issues of our walk will be the same.

She has to take care of her doggie bidness and she needs a little exercise. That’s the same if we go left or right.

How bullheaded will she be? Will she try to stop every five feet to root something out of the grass? Will she follow every impulse and distraction, or will she show some discipline? When I tug the leash will she come with me or will she insist on her own way? Will this be a pleasant, cooperative walk or a battle? When it’s a battle her walk is shorter. These issues are all the same if we go right or left.

She turns left and I’m fine with that. Isn’t going to affect the important stuff.

Ding-ding Mr. Dogwalker! Is this just about the dog?

We walk and go through the rhythm of the doggie constitutional, plus all the sniffing and tugging. I start thinking of how easy it is to spend a lot of energy micromanaging my understanding of God’s ‘big’ plans for me, but how most of the time he’s probably more concerned with the quality of our walk. I imagine him thinking the same thing that I thought when I walked out the front door.

Left or right, why don’t you pick? Either way, our relationship is the biggie and you’ve got to deal with the issues of that relationship no matter which way we go.

Since our walk together is what counts, why do you act like the destination and the scenery is the main thing?

Are you going to be bullheaded? Will you always be distracted by trifles? Will you constantly test the limits of the leash as if it’s not there to keep you from running out in the street in front of a car like you’re prone to do? Will you always want more – over here! over here! – never having enough?

Or can you stay calm and rest, and be content and trust? And make this whole walk personal, just between you and me, no matter where it leads?

If you take care of our relationship I can take you anywhere I want, and it will be what you want, too. Is that good enough for you?

Are you frustrated with discovering or following God’s big plans for you? Is the quality of your walk with him enough?

by Gary | 4 Comments

The unselfish kind of selfishness

With the measure you use it will be measured to you – Luke 6.38