“It’s not fair.” No it’s not. Forget ‘fair.’
Kids are the kings of fair. They may be primitive little creatures but their ‘fair meter’ is MIT-sophisticated. You could spend all day as a parent being the judge of fair, but you don’t because you know fair is impossible.
Then we forget that fair is impossible for the adults in our family, too. Say hello to arguments and bitterness and estrangement.
Generosity is the cure for ‘fair’
Generosity wins because it implies there’s enough of whatever you’re generous in to go around. Maybe it’s love, attention, time, money, or mashed potatoes. If there’s enough to go around then you can afford to be generous. With plenty to go around everyone can relax. If everyone can relax then the fight for fair fizzles.
Usually the only time you keep score is if you think it helps you win. No one keeps score if they think it will help them lose.
Here’s one score that’s good to keep. Embrace this idea yourself and a radicalization of your family relationships might begin:
Whoever experiences the most unfairness, wins
You WANT to win this score. Be a ruthless competitor.
To win, you must out-generous and out-grace the others. If someone else experiences more unfairness, you have to fix it by making it more fair to them and less to you.
With the measure you use, it will be measured to you – Luke 6.38
With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace – Ephesians 4.2
Do nothing from rivalry, but in humility count others more significant than yourself Philippians. Let each look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others – Philippians 2.3
Err on the side of too much grace and generosity. You can never be taken advantage of if your goal is to out-give and out-generous everyone else. At any point where things are unfair and to your ‘detriment,’ you win, since that’s what you want.
And the ultimate generosity is when you don’t expect anyone else to be generous, and they know it, and they’re inspired. Then generosity really wins.
Who’s the most generous person in your family?
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A Family Like Yours is 31 Days of encouragement to help you appreciate, influence, and love the family you have (no matter what).
This is day 7.
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